A 2001 study revealed a correlation between reviewing hurtful memories and measures of the stress response (EMG, heart rate, blood pressure). When subjects were encouraged to think forgiving thoughts, the stress response was diminished. Similar findings were seen in an October 2003 study of 108 college students. The following benefits of forgiveness are noteworthy:

• Decreased anxiety
• Decreased depression and grief
• Decreased anger and negative thoughts
• Decreased vulnerability to substance use
• Decreased heart rates and blood pressure and other physical problems
• Decreased tension related issues
• Elimination of chronic pain, cardiovascular problems, and violent behavior
• Elimination of blame, anger and hostility linked to the issue
• Increase in frequency of joyful experiences
• Increased hope

Forgiveness is the ability to release the mind and the heart from all past hurts and failures, all sense of guilt, shame, humiliation, anger and loss. Forgiveness enables us to overcome anger and resentment or a desire to punish or get even with someone who has harmed us.

Forgiving includes changing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in relationship to the offender. Bad feelings and judgment toward the offender are shifted, not because their unacceptable behavior is forgotten, but because you are willingly to view the offense as an offense and not a personal insult. You can then respond in life with compassion, benevolence, and love.

If you chose to hang onto the hurt and resentment you can expect to experience the exact opposite of the benefits of forgiveness.

The body manufactures "high voltage" chemicals like adrenaline and cortisone when you hold anger and resentment—your mind remains in a constant state of flight or fight. These chemicals will result in tension-related ills such as: headaches and abdominal pains. Left unchecked, you will experience more serious problems such as ulcers, gastritis, irritable bowel syndrome, chronic fatigue and in the worst case scenario, cancer.

When couples or family members fail to forgive, unequal relationships are created and maintained. True closeness is an impossibility because the "offended" is in a position of holding the "offender" in bondage, and the obsession with being wronged and seeking revenge holds the victim in bondage as well. The person who made the mistake or hurt the other is kept in a "one down—no win" position of being indebted to the other. Neither person wins and both parties lose.

Last but not least, love yourself enough to forgive to set yourself free to create peace of mind.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD
http://www.drdorothy.net