Haven’t you noticed that it seems like a miracle that there is any communication at all? I attended an event last weekend and the speaker was saying one thing and a member of the audience asked a question and they kept going around and around and not connecting at all. I observed this and could see each point of view and how a bridge of communication could be built, but each was lost in their own way of saying it and could not connect. Begin to observe how one person says one thing with their own interpretation and the listener hears it from their own perspective and it might mean something completely opposite. I truly marvel at how we seem to agree at all!

Did you know that everything you hear goes in and gets sorted, filtered, deleted and stored according to your own belief system based on your memories? You cannot even hear or see fully. Think of times that someone made a comment to you and it brought up the pain of the past, or cut right to your heart and soul. They did not intend for that to happen. You just had your buttons pushed based on some memory that was triggered. The comment could be as innocent as, “Do you really need to do that?” That question in itself is neutral. Taken out of context, it is just an inquiry. When your significant other or parent, or whoever is the button pusher for you says it, especially about that one hot topic, you are off and running. Your mind is creating pain, anger, resentment and a host of emotions. It sounds like, “What does she mean do I really need to do that? She knows I can’t help it. She always puts me down. She never supports what I want. She is so selfish.” And on and on it goes.

Once in that mode, the mind can go on forever. And you feel bad, and you get hurt and you get angry. And you have a disagreement, or resentment. Have you ever thought of just stopping at that moment the question is asked? Taking a deep breath and calmly asking, ‘What did you say? Please explain to me what you meant with that question and I will answer. I seem to be confused and need clarification.” In that one moment with that one question you can stop the pattern you have created long ago. You can take back your power and feel better. Just imagine how that one question, asked from genuine inquiry, can change the whole dynamic of the relationship. If the pattern has been that when that person asked that question, they know they are cutting to your core and you allow it, you have the power to change it.

Begin to notice how you communicate. Do you have key questions or comments that push others buttons? Does it seem like you just go there, automatically? Become an observer of how you relate to others. Do you empower them; allow them to be who they are? Set a clear intention that you desire clear communication on all levels. Watch how your relationships improve and how much better you feel. Notice the patterns in conversations around you. Bring your awareness into being a channel for authentic communication. It is worth each moment and every ounce of effort!

Nancy Heimstra
http://www.authenticlivingnow.com