After the initial e-mail, I was already skeptical about contacting him (most things that sound too good to be true generally are, right?) So I decided to do some research and got this second e-mail from "Cheng-Gong Da", who found my resume through a host site:

Thank you for the email and in response to my advert. I am Cheng-Gong
Da, from Gansu province, in PRC. Me is Engineer and me work with oil
servicing company. Me hope email not go bore you because me want to
talk to you about meself, family and talk about job offer me is have
for you.

Me is come England a month ago and me is come with me family since
comapany I work with is in England. Me need Teacher of English to
teacher my family English so they is make English better and go back
school for me kids. Me is like swim, read, play ping pong, cycle and
cook. Me childen like sing, play piano,swim and play soccer. wife is
so much into business papers and she like cook, sew and watch TV.

Me treasure me family well well and me is want the best for them. Me
wife Shu and kids Hui and Meili not speak English fine an not write
well and me want them to write and speak Eglish well so they be able
go back to school and Shu get job.

Contract is last 12 months long and me pay you month end 3,500GBP, me
give you health insurance of 300GBP at month End.

If me accept you come work for me family, me pay you ticket come to
England and me pay you ticket go back you country when contract
finish. Me give you apartment where you live in my residence and car
is for you use.

You teach family 6 hours Monday to Friday and weekend you have off.
All national holiday in England and you country you take day off. You
teach Shu for 3 hours and you teach Hui and Meili for 2 hour 30
minutes after u have 30 minute break. Shu is 36 years old, Hui is 6
and Meili is 4.

You take 150GBP bonus home each time you go vacation and you have 2
weeks vacation twice per year. If you like, you take it once or you
take it 2 weeks separate.

Me hope you understand contract, if you have question, ask me and me
answer. Me is work in offshore site, so me is hope Thursday night and
Friday, so these day me is have time reply to your email because me
not have time in offshore site reply email, but me is try me best keep
in contact ok. I need you send copy of you techer certificate for me
perusal and evaluation.

Thanks and look forward see you response soon.

Cheng-Gong Da