I was always considered a very well centered person in my younger days. In fact , I was voted in my class, the person most likely to succeed in life.

I was blessed with good looks, an ability to make others feel good about themselves and a very settled disposition. This helped me enormously to be the most popular girl in school, get the best jobs in my working life. I seemed to get promotions easily, and was always sought out at company dinners or dances, by the opposite sex.

I found that through my appearance, not always my ability, doors were opened for me in my career, and life was not nearly so difficult as those who may be considered plain. It did prove to me that one's appearance played a big part in where you ended up in the corporate world.

If you watch CNN or other news casts, you will only see good looking women, as anchors on these programs, does that mean that there were no plainer looking women that were just as good at the job? No, It means that the glamour on screen brings in more audiences, which just proves my point. We, as a population ,are driven by appearances and not intellect. If this was not the case, then people such as young female celebrities, would not hold the fixation that they do and would not influence our young people into adopting their " idols" bad habits.

I enjoyed being the center of attention, it made me feel good about myself, that I was loved by my peers and that I could do no wrong. I never really thought that I was basing my opinion of myself on what others thought of me.

My life was exciting, never a dull moment, always in demand. What more could a girl ask for?

When I reached the age of 40, I had had, 2 marriages that were not successful, and I was blessed with one daughter. I began to notice that I had to work harder at being the center of attention, younger women were taking my place, and this was not easy to cope with. I tried different make ups, used more creams on my face, watched anxiously for wrinkles and grey hairs. As time passed and I became 50, the tide had turned. I was now on the fringe of the groups, no longer in the center, I felt left out and my confidence in myself eroded. I got very depressed and was not coping with the signs of aging that come to us all in time.

I wanted my youth back. I wanted to be that person that I had once been, and not this older image of myself that no one noticed anymore. It was a very hard pill to swallow, when one has had the benefits of good looks and youth, to find oneself almost become invisible to the outside world, destroys one's self esteem.

I gradually did not care what I wore, or what my make up looked like, I thought why should I bother nobody cares anyway. This was a downward spiral, leading to a complete withdrawal from society. I felt sorry for myself, unloved and unwanted.

One day my daughter, who was now a beautiful young woman, asked me to have lunch with her in a well known restaurant. She insisted I went with her, and I did. When we walked into the restaurant all heads turned, I thought oh, I have still got what it takes, until I realized that the looks of appraisal were not for me, but for my glamorous daughter. This was hard to take, I just wanted to leave and go back to the shell I was living in, but my daughter insisted I stayed and had lunch and I did .

She had a hidden agenda, she wanted to talk to me about the way I was living my life. Listening to her telling me that I had to live for myself, that I had to keep up my appearance for my own sake, that I was letting myself down as well as the rest of my family, that I was losing my own self esteem, how disappointed she was in me, as she had always tried to fashion herself on me and my confidence in myself, this really got to me. I knew she was right, but how to fix it was not going to be easy.

I started by taking better care of my diet, I used make up again to suit my age group, I dressed for my age group, but still with a bit of "pizazz". I stopped looking to others to boost my moral, I took on hobbys that interested me and got myself involved in getting out and living again. I met a man who was just right for me, he helped me to see what was inside was more important than what one's appearance showed. I became confident again, I entered a room as if I was the center of attention, and my self esteem was obvious, to those that knew me of old.

It is very hard to accept that youth is gone, as we are a youth driven society, that when you become 50, as a woman, you become invisible. Thankfully, I did discover that life does not end at 50, that there are other things that are important, family,relationships,friends and a look in the mirror with more wrinkles, but wiser eyes.

I now have 2 grandaughters that I adore, and when we were out together one day, we sat next to another grandmother who had her grandchildren with her. I saw one of my grandaughters staring at this group, and I asked what she was looking at, " oh " she replied " I was just wondering why that grandmother looks so old, and you look so much younger" Ah! out of the mouths of babes, comes manna from heaven!!!!

Ena Clewes
http://www.mouseoverarticles.com/positiveattitude/