Every day, we face challenges that rattle our self-esteem and our confidence. The problem most likely does not occur by being bounced about by life. Instead, the damage happens on the way home or at our houses. Then, in the comfort of our homes, our cars, a subway train or even walking, we start to ruminate about things.

These ruminations (oh I love that word) are very bad for our sense of self. In such thoughts, we often begin tirades and commentaries about others at work, our spouses, our children and fate in general.

The issue is that our negative thoughts actually tear us down internally and make our self-esteem sag like a wet rag on a clothesline. Moreover, when we step into our humble abodes, we may find ourselves lashing out against those we care about - spouse, children, family and close friends.

To build our self-esteem, we must begin mastering these thoughts. There are several steps that we must follow to do this.

First, we must become aware of these types of thoughts. For me, if I hear the internal words, "What am I going to do now?," I know that I have been having anxious or upsetting thoughts.

Second, we must begin to ask ourselves, "Why am I upset?" Now, you have to be patient. Often, I am not really aware that I have been worrying and I have to hang around until my unconscious mind (you know the one that drives the car automatically or walks you into work without thinking) gets around to answering your question.

Third, once we have recognized why we may be worrying or anxious or fearful, then we can begin the process of making ourselves stronger. This step is simple in that you have to develop a small plan to remediate the problem. This plan is usually only five or six steps long, and has its focus on fixing whatever has been bothering you.

Fourth, begin implementing your plan. The first step, if you do not know where to begin, is getting information about the issue. Read, ask others, consult librarians, learned friends, colleagues, teachers, ministers or the internet but GET SOME INFO.

Fifth, slowly work your way through your plan.

Sixth, every time you find yourself upset or fearful, do not think about the negatives. Think about how your are implementing your plan.

Hi, my name is Dan Watson and my daily job is that of a psychologist in Palm Desert, CA. My goal is to provide insights and techniques to assist in controlling stress, in reducing anxieties and depressions, and in improving sleep. Read more at http://stresscontrolnow.com.