Magic Lamp?
Chinaman -- 10 February 2005

Li Rui, Xiao Ming, and Mr. Gao - their school owner - are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says Li Rui. "I want to be in Miami, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says Xiao Ming. "I want to be in a Nudist Beach, relaxing on the beach with all the beautiful nude ladies by my side ." Poof! He's gone.

"You're next," the genie says to Mr Gao.

Mr Gao says, "They are paying a lot of money to keep my school going - I want those kids back here right now."

____________________

College Rules
Chinaman -- 10 February 2005

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined Rmb20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined Rmb60. Being caught a third time will cost you Rmb180. Are there any questions?"

"How much for a season pass?"

___________________

Ten Most Wanted Man
Chinaman -- 10 February 2005

A group of Chinese students went on an educational trip to the local police station in the US, where they saw pictures of the 10 Most Wanted men tacked to a bulletin board.

One of them pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."

So she asked, "Why didn't you keep our foreign teacher when you took the picture?"

_________________

Getting out of School
Chinaman -- 10 February 2005

The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.

"Hello, this is China English Language School," answers the principal.

"Hi. Jimmy cannot be able to coming to school all next week," replies the voice.

"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"

"We are all to going on a families vacation," says the voice, "I hoping is all right you."

"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who is calling?"

"Yes. This is my father!"

_________________________

Hiring Mr. Johnson

Posted By: Chinaman
Date: 10 February 2005

A famous Chinese university was in the final stages of hiring an Esl Teacher and was down to three final applicants -- one of which would get the job.

The first one interviewed was a graduate from Harvard University. A nice young man, but a bit timid. The second was an oversea Chinese graduate from Oxford University. A patient and humble guy. Then he called for the third man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley white young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the recruiter, and decided, there and then, to hire him.

He turned to the first and second applicants and told them they could go and he would let them know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as a teacher. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your final education?"
"Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale."
"That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!"
"Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson."

_________________

English as a language
Posted By: Chinaman
Date: 10 February 2005

There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?