It's 11pm in Yangshuo and Mister Buckland tries to focus on the telephone by his side. It's time to make a few calls. In another city, in a cold apartment, one of his 'placements' looks down at the floor at a large mouse eating a doughnut. As he observes the rodent, his cellphone goes.
"HEEEYYYY!" the tinny sound of Buckland comes down the line, the fake-American accent primed for bluff and lies. "How are YOU these days?"
"Oh, you know", our man responds. "OK. Actually I......."
"GREAT!" Buckland pours himself another stiff one. He enjoys these little chats. "I'm putting together a magazine called 'I Love Owen' and I was wondering if you could contribute something, man." (Here he spills his drink and curses audibly). "It's basically a forum for people who love me. It's heartfelt, man, not marketing or anything. So you'll email me something? GREAT!"
"Actually, Owen, I........"
"GREAT! Goodnight, man!

At 11pm, Owen Buckland's day is only starting. You and I are going to bed, but this man is calling nationwide. The sole managing operator of The Buckland Foreign-Teacher Apprehension Facility cum Cultural Affairs Office for West Street is just getting into his stride. An empire never sleeps and nor does Owen. When night falls, there's nothing more this man enjoys than a highball glass and a chat with his many 'friends'. Owen has friends all over China, many of whom he's never met and most of these people can't quite believe the speed with which their lives were ruined. The man in the apartment who thought he was going to Shanghai, regards the mouse for a long moment and wonders what twist of fate brought him from London to ShenDung in the heart of Henan Province. It's minus eighty outside. Better wear two quilts tonight and make some bone-soup on the 'range'. The local shop doesn't sell meat - just bones - but as Owen reminded him when they last spoke, "BONES ARE NUTRITIOUS, MAN! THIS IS REAL CHINA!" Owen sees a silver lining in every cloud, so long as the cloud is
hanging over you and not him.

So, if you've had a chat with Owen recently (particularly one late at night where you didn't understand much of what was being said) why not tell us about it? Have you been threatened by Owen after he'd had a few? Come on! We want to hear your stories! There's a ticket back to Vancouver for the most interesting one.