There's an old Buddhist proverb which says:

"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

At the outset I'm going to assume two things about you (yes I know the dangers of assumptions... call me crazy).

Assumption one:
Over the last ........ mths/yrs (you fill in the number) you've discovered some amazing truths about yourself, life, the world, God, finances, people, happiness, peace, relationships, love (and so on).

Assumption two:
At times (possibly often) you've been frustrated by the people in your world (friends, family) who don't share your ideas, thoughts, beliefs, vision or enthusiasm.
In short; they don't really get what you get.
And you get frustrated because you know you can help them, if only they will listen.
After all, your motives are good.
What's their problem?
Why are they so determined to stay in their mediocrity?

A short story.
Like most people over the Christmas period, I had to attend my fair share of social functions and being the non-drinking, non-smoking, low-fat, excitement-machine that I am, I invariably found myself trapped in some corner of a room, locked in a deep and meaningful dialogue with someone I didn't really know, would never see again, who had thrown down one too many drinks and was standing six inches closer than is socially acceptable (on the Craig personal space meter).

Several times I considered abandoning all of my principles and getting really drunk and standing by the barbeque eating fatty, salty, charred animal flesh with my socially-inappropriate drunk buddies talking crap and telling bad jokes... they seemed to be having so much fun (I know there's a lesson in there somewhere).

I nearly did it.. but I knew you wouldn't respect me any more, so I refrained.

Although I do have a propensity to talk (being an extroverted, attention-seeking, only child and all), one of my favourite things to do when I'm around groups of people is to .... listen and watch; amazingly, be quiet.

One of the most interesting studies in communication is to observe someone trying to talk to someone who isn't really listening, and who really has no interest in what is being said.

Invariably the talker will start to increase the volume (and spit frequency).
If that doesn't create the desired response, he or she will move closer.
When that fails they will start with the pointing finger (one of my favourite bits).
What then often follows is either yelling, swearing, insults, occasional violence or any combination thereof (gets no better).

Why is it that (some) people feel so compelled to 'evangelise' people who don't want to be converted? Do they not have the capacity to read the incredibly obvious non-verbal communication which is screaming "I'm not interested in what you have to say or your stupid philosophy."

An interesting study in behavioural science is to stand back and watch various social situations and see how many people don't actually listen to each other in conversation; they merely wait for a gap in the dialogue to get their point across.

Lesson one: The best communicators.... don't necessarily talk a lot.

Lesson two: People will learn when they are ready.

Lesson three: Don't try and teach someone who doesn't want (or isn't ready) to learn; you'll probably do more harm than good.

Lesson four: Don't confuse 'being articulate' with being a 'good communicator'... 93% of communication is non-verbal. If you want to connect with people talk less, watch and listen more.

Another story.
A friend of mine has gone through a massive journey of self-discovery and personal growth over the last twelve months. Her life, relationships, attitudes, career and beliefs have all changed drastically. In many ways she is a completely different person; happy, fulfilled, excited and loving life. The only down side to her new-found reality is that she doesn't 'get' people who don't get her perspective (or even want to listen to what she has to say). Kind of like the reformed smoker who becomes a judgemental, opinionated pain in the arse, she has had to learn that not everyone is where she's at (practically, emotionally, psychologically).

Lesson five: by trying to convert or convince people who don't want to hear your message, you are more likely to create a negative outcome, than you are, a positive one (and annoy the crap out of them). Many relationships have been destroyed by well-intending friends or family who have had some life-changing experience or revelation and think everyone in their world needs what they have.

The last story.
My mother smokes.
There I said it.
I really hope she doesn't read this because she'll be grumpy at me for a day or three.
I love my mum (mom for my US friends) and because I love her, I don't want her to smoke.
Simple.
But you know what?
My mum doesn't want a 'lesson' on smoking from me.
When we head down that path... it only ends in tears.
Mine.
No joy for the big fella at all.

Lesson six:
Mothers can be scary.
And gorgeous.

Lesson seven:
Trying to teach people who; 1. don't want to be taught or 2. don't want to be taught by you... will invariably create resentment.

Craig Harper
http://www.craigharper.com/