As I reflect on the end of the year, I confront some lessons that have been visited many times before. It does not take the end of a year to experience this lesson, but the timing is right for this reminder. Expectations screw things up! Have you ever expected something to happen and when it does not happen you feel terrible? Or, have you ever expected something to happen and it does happen, and you do not feel great because you expected it would be so much grander? Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, vacations, visits with family or friends, dates, even business meetings can easily have un-met expectations. In fact, it is more common to face disappointment than to feel the warmth of a successfully met expectation.

The act of creating an expectation takes you out of the “moment.” It takes you away from the appreciation of being spontaneous and appreciative of whatever happens. When you “expect” something, you place boundaries around that moment in time and have an emotional attachment to what is going to happen. Unless you can control this situation completely, you set yourself up for disappointment. (Over-controlling a situation is difficult, at best.)

Have you ever gotten someone else a present, that you thought would be perfect, only to find a less than positive response? Or have you ever expected an action or response from a friend or family member, only to have a very different reaction than you anticipated? Have you ever wanted something, and find that you were not getting this response or object at the time you wanted it? Kids are great at wanting “stuff” and they are often better about “getting over it” when that thing does not appear, especially if they are easily distracted by other shiny objects in their field of vision. As we get older, and our expectations are related to “more important things” our disappointments seem greater and can last longer. But, we often get caught in our expectation and miss out on what actually occurs in the special moments. As an example, have you ever been disappointed after opening your Christmas presents because you did not get what you expected and you then miss out on the special family moment of being together and celebrating the true gift of time spent with loved ones?

We can not control the way another person will react. Have you ever shared something that you really enjoyed with another person like a good bottle of wine, a favorite restaurant, or an enjoyed movie only to find that they did not have the same wonderful experience as you? Your expectations, in a case like this, can be painful or, at least, disappointing.

I do not have any easy answers for this dilemma. I know that it is contagious and spread quickly through families, cities (when their sports team does not win the “big one”), or even through countries. Personally, I feel challenged by this issue almost every year at this time. My only remedy for my personal challenge is go out and get some exercise to release my emotional stress and baggage, and then try to get back into an appreciation of the present moment.

Positive expectations are not always bad. In fact, it is difficult to achieve a long range goal without setting up positive goals, but getting trapped in the emotions or too attached to the outcome can create difficulties. These difficulties can prove motivating in the future, but sometimes we hold on too hard to a less than desired outcome.

I hope that you can find the best way for you to release your demons of expectation and then to get back into the “present,” appreciating the most important things that surround you.

Please take good care of yourself and use this awareness to not be a “victim” to your expectations.

L. John Mason, Ph.D. is the author of the best selling "Guide to Stress Reduction." Since 1977, he has offered Executive Coaching and Training.

Please visit http://www.dstress.com