Did you hear about the executive who was asked to give a speech? He talked about his company, himself, and his plans for the future.

You haven’t heard this story because the audience fell asleep, so no one reported it.

In this era of 500 TV channels, computer access, and awesome video games, a boring speaker with a lousy message doesn’t stand a chance. So if you want listeners to remember your message, it’s gotta be entertaining.

That’s why I’ve discarded my fancy speech. I’ve trashed my start-to-finish, logical formal address. In it’s place, I tell one amusing story after another.

There’s just one catch: All the stories must relate to my major theme. But the funnier I am – and I’m funny about half the time – the better feedback I get.

Here are five simple joke ideas, plus ways you might drag them into your next speech:

1. PLAY-ON-WORDS – Example: “Let me be frank with you. That may be difficult, because Frank is not my name.”

2. NON-SEQUITIR – Example: “All of us notice more insects this summer. Some of them have two wings, and others have four. Wingless insects like ants don’t fly. They carpool.”

3. EXAGGERATION – Example: “No one knows how many insects invade us, because many live underground, and some fall beneath shoes. But the last approximate count was 347 gazillion.”

4. COMPARATIVE – Example: “It was so hot today I decided to wear this really cool coat.”

5. SET UP, PUNCH LINE – Example; “I had a great lunch before I came over here. I went to a fish restaurant, and asked the cook ‘Can you make a catfish?’ He said ‘I guess I could give him a rod and reel, but I’m not sure he could use it.’”

Sad but apparently true: A recent study says some adult attention spans are only eight seconds! So, to capture an audience – or to hold readers – we must present them with useful, topical information served in an entertaining way.

Rix Quinn wrote the book “Words That Stick,” which offers lots of writing ideas for executives and speakers. It’s available through your local bookstore, or at Ten Speed Press. http://www.tenspeed.com/catalog/all/item.php3?id=1661