Self-confidence-like being rich - it is something we think everyone else is but us. Yet feeling insecure about ourselves is perhaps the most common problems of humanity. The majority of people in society think, "You have to be born with it." This is not true. You can learn how to be confident, just like learning how to cook or drive a car.

Self-confidence all boils down to how we feel about ourselves. Our self-confidence develops and is affected from the moment we are born, to how we are raised and things we experience during our lifetime. Many of us tend to judge how well we our doing in life by what society thinks it is right or what the people who center our life think.

We all have standards and expectations that we all tend to try to live up too. If we do not meet up to our standards, which most of us do not, our self-confidence begins to slowly decline. Many of us try to have unrealistic standards that we try to live up too and we tend to lose sight of the fact that we cannot be perfect. We need to accept ourselves, love ourselves and be happy with who we are as people. We were valued for just being people, for just being in this world. We often believe we must continually try to prove to other people that we are worthy of them or on the same level as them. We often spend too much time doing that and we lose sight of the fact that we are fine just the way we are and that the only person that needs to be happy with them is themselves even though we are not perfect people.

In order to gain self-confidence you need to believe in yourself. If you believe in yourself then you can succeed in anything you put your mind to. You may not succeed the first time you try, but you have to keep trying until you do succeed. Quick success does not exist in our society. Achievements only come to those who strive hard to get them. You get nowhere in life if you do not push yourself. You need to create a lifestyle that is right for you and nobody else. Do not settle for anyone else's lifestyle or for a lifestyle that is beneath your standards.

My "10 step plan" to increasing confidence:

1. Begin a journal. Ask yourself what is making you feel like you cannot get to the point in life you want to reach. Write any thoughts that come to mine. Also, write down what self-confidence means to you.

2. Remember the past is over; you can only change the future. Write down 10 positive things about yourself. Go through your journal and look at all the positive things about yourself. Concentrate on your strengths. These are the reasons you should love yourself and have high self-esteem and self-confidence in yourself. Give yourself credit for everything positive you have written about yourself. Remember, you are somebody special.

3. Accept yourself and learn to love yourself for whom you are a person. Everyone has his or her own unique qualities and characteristics. We are all born differently for a reason. Do not compare yourself to others.

4. Understand yourself mentally, physically and spiritually. Take some time to relax by yourself in a quiet room... Rest on your back with head and neck comfortably supported.

Rest hands on upper abdomen, close your eyes and settle in a comfortable position. Breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically. Inhalation should be slow, unforced and unhurried. Silently count to four, five or six, whatever feels right for you. When inhalation is complete, slowly inhale through the nose. Count this breathing out, as when breathing in. The exhalation should take as long as the inhalation. There should be no sense of strain. If initially, you feel you have breathed your fullest at a count of three, which is all right. Try gradually to slow down the rhythm until a slow count of five or six is possible, with a pause of two or three between in and out breathing.

5. Be ready. Self-confidence comes a lot easier to the person who is sure their ready.

6. Strengthen your inner self. Write down in your journal what you will be able to do once you acquire the confidence you need.

7. Begin changing what you do not like about yourself. Confidence comes from within. You need to concentrate on the positive things about yourself.

8. Notice the change in our self-esteem and self-confidence. Reward yourself each time you do something that makes you feel proud...go out some place or take it easy for the day.

9. Learn how to give and take. Confidence is being able to find a balance between giving help to people and excepting when we need help.

10. Have a tremendous amount of pride in yourself. Remember, you are number one!

Stacey Chillemi
http://www.authorsden.com/staceydchillemi