I admit, it did take me a little while to figure this out, but I noticed it when I ended my last relationship, that some of the same things kept happening in relation to my partner that I recognised from my previous relationships. So, I decided to analyze this information and see if I could pinpoint the problem and stop myself from repeating the same mistake.

This is how and what I did:

Wrote out all similarities from past relationships in columns, partner 1, partner 2 and so on.
Wrote out my reactions to each situation under the column headings.
Looked at the common thread between the situation and my reaction, in this case showing signs of neediness and insecurity.
Asked myself several questions relating to why I was feeling this way, what was my perception during these situations, is there any past proof to support my feeling this way, that sort of thing.
I then accepted that I felt this way and also accepted that it was not my partners issue at all, but mine and took responsibility for the consequences of those reactions.
I then figure out ways to replace those feelings for myself, ie, neediness and insecurity stem from not having enough faith in yourself that you are worthy of love, yours and the other persons.
This process can take a while and it doesn't happen overnight, it has taken my 3 serious relationships to figure out that I don't "need" a man in my life and that I am happy with me and that the thing I am most worthy of is the love I have for myself.

I now apply these steps to any areas that I have problems in or see a pattern emerging. Mistakes need to happen in your life in order for you to learn, grow and move forward. If we didn't make mistakes, we wouldn't learn a thing and your life would be pretty boring! After all, when you "learnt" how to ride a bike, you didn't get it first time, did you? You fell of a few times until you "learnt" to get your balance and trust in yourself that you could stay upright and move at the same time! It is the same with learning from your mistakes, you have to make mistakes to move forward in your life, it is the only way we, as humans, learn.

I remember as a child that I used to get so frustrated when I couldn't do something; this is resisting learning. I would throw tantrums, throw things, scream, runaway (why my parents had 4 more children after me is beyond me :-) ) anything to try and get some attention so someone would just fix it for me. I soon learnt that if I just persevered, then I would learn... thanks to my parents for ignoring my tantrums and leaving me to figure things out! This influenced how I learned things as I got older; I am most definitely a "doer"; I learn from doing rather than theory.

Learning from your mistakes is one of the best things you can take on board now and it will help you move forward in your life and achieve the things you really want out of your life.

Embrace your mistakes, love them, learn from them and you will find the whole experience a much more positive one.

Annelise Carter
http://www.girlosophyonline.com/blog