It might seem like the simplest thing in the world, but saying sorry and meaning it is much more than the uttering of a single word. We seem to live in a world where folks are more self centred, selfish and self seeking than at any other time, so it's little wonder that so many of us are stepping on others toes and finding it necessary to keep apologising all the time.

A few years back, just before my wife left me, I can recall her saying that she was sick and tired of my broken promises and weak apologies. In fact she asked me to stop saying sorry as it meant absolutely nothing anymore. I'd love to sit here and write about how wrong she was, but if the truth be known, she was absolutely right at that time. Sure I used to say sorry a lot, but if I'm honest it was to keep here quiet rather than something I was sincere about at the time.

Many of us are so wrapped up in our own little worlds of I, I, I, me, me, me, that it's becoming increasingly more difficult to form 'real' relationships with other human beings. It could be related to the pressures of modern day lifestyles where we have become addicted to 'more', or it might be that it's just too easy to shirk away from our responsibilities to such an extent that we've adopted a couldn't care less attitude. Who, really knows, maybe know one!

Although we can't change who we are, we can reinvent ourselves to a degree and work towards an adjustment of attitude. Some of the happiest people I've ever met in my life are those that spend more time thinking about others than they do themselves. Living a life where you do not have to constantly apologise for your misbehaviour can only be fruitful in the long term, both for you and those around you.

But none of us are perfect and apologies are necessary from time to time no matter who we are. I probably used to apologise countless times daily simply by uttering the words under my breath. Sorry about that, sorry about the other day, sorry about this morning, sorry I shouted, and so on and so forth. I rarely made eye contact, I'd probably utter these words whilst still moving and I perhaps even forgot sometimes what it was I was apologising for. In other words – meaningless!

A therapist once taught me that to say sorry was not enough to convey true regret. Even if you meant it at the time, it's pretty meaningless to the other person. She went onto say that before you make an apology, you first need to think about what it is you're apologising for. Next you need to find the appropriate moment to make your apology. Once the previous things are sorted, it's recommended you sit the other person down and look them straight in the eye and say words to this effect. "I would just like to sincerely apologise about X. You were right and I was wrong and I'm truly sorry for the way I reacted to the situation".

Sounds simple doesn't it? But if it's not your usual way of addressing things, it can be really difficult to carry through, believe me. The therapist went on to say that even if you don't mean it at the time, still do it. Fake it until you make it I think she said.

Well, I took what she had to say on board and to be honest I would have sooner chewed on a broken glass sandwich than gone through that first ordeal. However, she was right, and I did continue to fake it until I made it, but make it I did. Slowing down and communicating with others at a deeper level has helped me to get out of my own head and to become a more considerate person as a result. Also, because a genuine apology is no easy picnic, I'm now very mindful of the way I treat and speak to others therefore reducing the risk of having to make an unnecessary apology.

If you find you have to apologise to other people way to much, maybe it's time to step back and take a look at why. The chances are you get restless, irritable, and discontent when things don't go the way you want them to and that is called self. Once you can unshackle from the bondage of self, your life will improve beyond your wildest dreams.

Lee Kiley
http://www.instructhow.com/