Do you feel awkward or uncomfortable at social/business events? You are not alone. While social/business events can be enjoyable, especially when you are surrounded by people whom you enjoy, there are social/business events that you might wish you were someplace else. Such occasions can sometimes be the cause of anxiousness and self-consciousness—heart palpitating and/or sweaty palms. You may even feel like everyone else is having a good time except for you.

The truth is others have felt awkward and uncomfortable on such occasions. Contrary to what pharmaceutical companies and medical doctors want you to believe, one of the best ways to overcome anxiousness and self-consciousness at social/business events or to get past your feeling of shyness is to focus on the people around you. Remember that other people might also be feeling awkward or shy. Armed with this awareness, you can become the bridge for others and yourself to feel comfortable by using a few easy techniques.

The next time you are obligated to attend a social/business event and you are feeling awkward or uncomfortable use this exercise before going.

• Close your eyes and breathe deeply

• Visualize yourself surrounded in a warm white light that is protective yet allows you to interact with people.

• Visualize people smiling and radiating warmth and friendliness.

• Visualize people at the event being drawn to you because of the open and warm feelings that you are radiating.

• Visualize yourself arriving at the event—take a moment to spread this same light of loving acceptance to everyone around you.

• Visualize yourself smiling and greeting people warmly.

• Visualize yourself moving around the room, smiling and introducing yourself. Ask the person, how they know the host/hostess, where they live, etc. If this is a work related event, ask people what department or location they are in the company. Ask what they do for fun—hobbies, sports, interests, travel. As you learn about them, you can interject the same information about yourself. The one thing you might not learn is whether they feel awkward and uncomfortable attending social/business events. If they do—you have helped them learn a way to reduce that feeling.

• Remember when you radiate acceptance, openness and receptivity, people will respond in kind.

Repeat this exercise two times each day for three days before the event.

When you attend the social/business event it will seem as though you have been there feeling comfortable and confident, because the mind does not distinguish between actual events and visualized events.

Focusing on how you can make other people at a social/business event feel at ease can help you feel at ease too. In the process, you will have fun learning about others, making new friends or connections.

The next time you attend a social/business event, invite people to join you in your zone of comfort that you have so lovingly and intentionally created. Let yourself enjoy being encircled in the warmth of your creation.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD
www.drdorothy.net