What do you say when you talk to yourself? Are you hyper-critical? Forever finding fault with what you have or haven't done?

If you are like most people you are probably more harsh and unkind to yourself than you would ever dream of being with anyone else.

The problem with berating yourself in this way is that it totally undermines your self esteem. Think back to your childhood, when someone told you off or criticised you, didn't you die a little? Didn't you feel slightly less confident and less sure of yourself?

In order to build up your self esteem you need to talk to yourself as your own very best friend. Be encouraging and supportive of your efforts whatever you are doing. Praise yourself when you succeed and be gentle and kind to yourself when you fail. Instead of saying "Stupid idiot!" when you make a mistake, try saying "What could I have done differently?" or "Interesting, how might I have handled that better?"

I was watching a men's singles tennis match at Wimbledon this year. One player was calm and confident, you could almost see him congratulate himself on a point well won. The other player, having lost a few points, started to beat himself up in his head. You could see him getting angry with himself when he lost a point. And when he won a point he was still being harsh with himself - "I should think so too!" you could see him thinking. He lost the match even though he was the much more experienced and higher ranked player. He had undermined his self confidence and self esteem with every point - won or lost.

Life will throw challenges at you and the best way to meet them and overcome them is with as much self esteem as you can muster.

Watch what you say to yourself and build your self esteem by championing yourself in your own head. Support, encouragement and congratulations will work far, far better than criticism and castigation.

Penny Dablin
http://beyourdestiny.com/