All of us have to do it everyday, regardless of where or when we work, that is deal with people. From the clerk where we get our coffee to the receptionist at the doctors office and they are everywhere. You have 2 choices every time you someone, it can be a pleasant experience or it can be an unpleasant one, ultimately the choice is yours.

Here are 5 Effective Steps to Manage Conflict:

1. Listen to the other person, without interruption: This is probably one of the harder skills to master simply because we are already thinking about what we want to say before the other person has finished talking. This leads to us commenting on something they may not have said but rather what we ‘thought’ they said just because we weren’t paying attention. Most arguments or confrontations come from mis-communication or lack of understanding, most of it due to one or both of the persons involved were not listening. You need to listen.

2. Give Them the Benefit of the Doubt: Most people do not want any type of confrontation, they may be stressed out and edgy and something you said may have set them off. Try to put yourself in their shoes, even if you don’t know the total situation, if they are extremely upset over something minor there might be something major going on in their life that you don’t know about, give them the benefit of the doubt.

3. Acknowledge Their Feelings: Remember feelings aren’t right or wrong they just are. You have to be a good listener to really pick up on what people are not saying, sometimes you learn more from that than anything else, if they see you making an effort acknowledge their feelings they will certainly calm down a bit.

4. State Your Needs or Position: Be strong without being bossy, blaming or name calling and always think of the future. You want to make the situation better not just for today but for future times that you will see this person, so you will want to make sure they understand your point of view.

5. Attack the Problem NOT the Person: Problems are to be solved not won, too many times we end up attacking the person or we try to win the argument, when all that is really needed is to have a problem solved. This works great with children, if you attack them when they make a mistake compared to attacking their actions, they too will become confrontational and an argument is sure to follow, plus you safeguard against damaging their self esteem (adults and children alike).

Obviously, I’m not referring to people who are angry for one reason or another, this article is about dealing with conflict with people that you get into situations with occasionally. As far as the angry people go, distance yourself from them as much as possible and if you do come in contact with them, keep most of the conversation very general and then move on.

In my ebook People Skills for Life, I have specific worksheets and questions to help you navigate through dealing with people which you can print out and use them over and over to help track your progress

David Wrobel
http://www.wehelpyouachieve.com