Are you Accommodating a bruised ego? Yours or some one else's?

Do you realize how much time, energy, mental health and money we spend on feeding and accommodating our bruised egos, and those of our friends, co-workers, family and loved ones?

Is it really satisfying? Is it fulfilling? Does it make us any happier, more at ease, except for moments of immediate gratification, a feeling of being right that wares off as quick as it comes on - because the ego is insatiable.

Can we resolve conflicts when we are governed by our bruised egos? Wasn't it Einstein who said that we can't solve problems with the mentality in which they were created?

Do you realize that only you can stop the vicious cycle of your bruised ego simply by making a split-second in-the-moment choice: to stop catering to the exhausting adrenalin fueled insanity of your ego wanting to be right and make someone else (often your self) wrong, and take care yourself in that very moment with one conscious and awakened breath of compassion?

Sometimes we have to use tough love with our ego - as with an unruly child. Let it know our intention, and remember who we are. Of course, for this to happen we have to know who we are, what we are serving and what's our wise intention.

Example: I was meditating recently and noticed as I was scanning my body for sensations that I had this annoying cough... and just as I coughed I could hear my mind about to go into an all too familiar tirade "There must be something wrong with me... perhaps a symptom of cancer... after all it's summer, and who coughs in the summer except for someone who is very ill?"

At that very instant, as I was noticing this drama waiting to happen and about to erupt full blast - I had a feeling of compassion for my cough and an acceptance of my traumatized mind... like for a frightened child needing a hug while throwing a fearful or angry tantrum.... and my choice determined my feeling OK and at ease about it.

So, how is that different from other instances in life, seemingly bigger and more serious?

Not much. Take a feud between friends. What it always comes down to is that someone did someone else wrong. Or, someone didn't do what was expected of them. Or, someone just didn't say it the right way... and the ego gets furious, hurt, and bruised once again. Shame, humiliation, indignation come up. And then retaliation. "Let me pout and punish myself and you by quitting the relationship and isolating. I'm out of here. You're history." Or, "Let me show you my might. I'll do to you twice the damage you've done me to teach you a lesson" and "Don't forget, that I'm doing it for my own protection" and in some cases "for your own good...!"

What are the alternatives?

"Look buddy, this does not work for me. Can you make a correction, and do it this way?" or in a closer relationship: "Please understand that your behavior puts me in an uncomfortable position. Can you support me as a friend to take care of myself?" (if doing it by yourself doesn't work...)

And of course the other option is to walk away. Not as retaliation or making a grand stand, but to simply take care of yourself - because all the other options failed. And yes, sometimes, we can walk away from our own ego - simply by letting go of the struggle, and choose to be happy rather than right. Making that choice requires self-love of the most genuine kind.

Now, you tell me if it 's different between our relationship with ourselves, with each other and between nations?

Can it be any different - since the paradigm that governs human relationship is one and the same?

To bring it to present moment, that's how I feel when I look at the horror of what's happening in the Middle East. While my mind is busy taking positions and having opinions about who is right and who is wrong in that endless and loaded conflict, there is another part in me that's engaged in connecting to, having compassion for
and accepting the pain of what's happening to the people. That keeps me connected to humanity and to myself. It's not up to me to judge, nor does it really matter what I think. I can't change it. But, for this I have to be willing to FEEL it. And that seems to be the hardest thing to do. Feeling the helplessness, and seemingly the powerless of our human pain. Paradoxically that is what empowers us and gives birth to hope and courage.

Then if I want to take any actions - they are not driven by your bruised ego - but rather by your experienced and authentic conscience.

In these challenging times in which we live, we don't need more acting out and crazy egos. The world today is saturated with enough ego power to destroy it. At times like this so many bruised ego's are waiting for the opportunity to erupt and go bizzerk like Mr. Mel Gibson's bruised ego - whose anti-Semitic remarks were made when he was drunk and out of control. Think of all the many bruised ego's that could erupt and create
more chaos. Heaven's gates are getting crowded.... rehabs are getting busy....

At these times, we need to take more personal responsibility for calming our own world and contribute to a calmer world... by personal example.

If you have any comments - please feel free to share them with me at: samuel@livinginthepresent.com or on my blog at http://www.calmingyourworld.com

A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest is kind of an optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security. (A. Einstein)

Samuel Kirschner
http://www.livinginthepresent.com