Motivation Tips
Having watched women's tennis pro, Serena Williams, embarrass herself with an ugly display of temper at the 2009 U.S. Open in New York, reminded me of the importance of keeping your cool under pressure. Not doing so in only one occurrence, as in the case of Serena Williams, can ruin a person's good image despite all the apologizing in the world.
So I offer you a short course in something we commonly refer to as "anger management." The following is designed to help you build strong relationships and preserve your positive reputation by effectively handling difficult situations involving common everyday emotional upsets.
To help you maintain a more resourceful state of mind, here are guidelines on how to lower your negative intensity and thereby gain immediate emotional control when faced with potential upsets:
1) Start from a clear position of love & respect: If your core intention is be a more loving and respectful human being towards you and other people, this entire process of anger management will flow much easier when you begin with the right mindset.
2) If the hurtful or painful action was not intentional, then you only allow yourself to get a bit annoyed: People sometimes do or say things that inadvertently hurt another person. Give the person a break because their actions weren't meant to harm you. When you only let yourself to be "a bit annoyed," you are keeping things at an appropriate low emotional level.
3) If the hurtful or painful action was not excessively, then you only allow yourself to be slightly peeved about it: Occasionally, people will do or say things that naturally trigger pain in others. If these offenders were to realize the effects of their actions, they would cut out their unwanted behavior. Give them some slack if their painful acts are infrequent or insignificant in number. Being "slightly peeved" is another way of responding with lower emotional intensity.
4) If the hurtful or painful action was appropriate, then you only allow yourself to feel slightly below average: Sometimes a painful action is merited because it was meant to prevent a greater or more lasting pain. In this case, the action may be warranted because in its proper context it was appropriate to perform. Again, reducing your response to that of "feeling slightly below average" helps you keep yourself in check.
The key to this simple process is to understand that the only time to make a strong stand in your defense against emotional upsets is when three conditions are met. These conditions are that the hurtful action or what the other person says or does must be: (1) intentionally meant to harm or hurt you, (2) frequent in their occurrences, and (3) inappropriate in the context in which the action is made.
If you don't have all three of these conditions met, then lower the negative intensity with the right words and emotional responses. Once you've conditioned yourself to do this, take the next step and simply just "let it go." The act of letting go and releasing negative energy is the icing on the cake when it comes to moving forward after a small everyday upset inevitably comes your way. Practicing this type of daily discipline will also build strong character and raise your self-esteem as a natural by-product.
The Bottom Line
Don't let small upsets turn into big problems in your personal and professional relationships. Learn how to lower your negative emotional responses so that you can understand your situation more clearly. Don't waste excessive energy on insignificant annoyances which inevitably occur around other people. Develop the mental discipline to handle your upsets with emotional maturity which is a major key to building strong relationships that last.
Steve Nakamoto - "The Voice Of The Other Half" iVillage.com's Ask Mr. Answer Man Relationship Expert 2-Time Writer's Digest Award-Winning Author
Author of Men Are Like Fish: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Catching A Man Talk Like A Winner! 21 Simple Rules For Everyday Communication Success Dating Rocks! The 21 Smartest Moves Women Make For Love
