Did you disappoint your parents when you failed your grades? Did they say hurtful things in the heat of the moment that have stayed in your head? Quite often, negative thinking results from messages we received when we were young. Were you bullied at school? Even a friend’s childish throwaway comment can lead to years of negative thinking when these thoughts become stored in your subconscious.

Are you unemployed? Do you have a disability? Are you gay? Prejudice and stigma can have a devastating effect on your confidence. The media are often to blame for self-doubt and feelings of worthlessness. The size zero brigade and perfect images of movie icons and rock stars can leave anyone feeling inadequate.

Once learnt, you may repeat these messages endlessly to yourself until they become beliefs, particularly when life is difficult for one reason or another.

Have you been single for a while and tell yourself it’s because you’re unattractive? ‘No-one likes me.’ ‘I’m stupid.’ ‘I’m a loser.’ The more often you have these negative thoughts, the deeper they become ingrained, and harder to shake off. As soon as you make a mistake, at work, or even if you’re simply cooking dinner, these thoughts are in your mind, and repeated over and over. You may think such things so often, so routinely, that you’re probably not even aware you’re doing it.

So when you’re stressed, or ill or having a hard time at work, you usually find the negative thoughts crowd in and multiply, becoming harder than ever to ignore.

Whatever the reasons for your negative thinking, its time to get tough and take action. You can be in control of your own mind!

TAKE ACTION

Okay, the first thing to do is take a closer look at your negative thought patterns. Be realistic. Start on a good day when the sun is shining and you feel good about yourself; maybe ask a friend you can trust to help you.

Jot down the following questions and be honest with yourself:

Are these negative thoughts true?

Would a decent person normally say these things to someone else? If not, then how come you’re saying them to yourself?

Are there any advantages in thinking these faults? Does it do me any good? If not, why do I keep thinking them?

Ask your friend why they think you may be having these thoughts. Is there any truth in them? You will probably find a close friend who knows you well will be able to look at things in a different light and help you see your life more realistically.

REVERSE THE TREND

It’s not possible to think two thoughts at the same time. So train yourself to think positive thoughts. Memorise repetitive phrases that you can repeat to yourself when negativity threatens to get the better of you. Write something good about yourself on a piece of paper and put it in your pocket. Take it out through the day and read it, and believe it!

Focus on your attributes:

‘I am a decent honest person.’

‘I have friends who care about me.’

‘I have a talent for making people laugh/looking after animals/singing/gardening.’

Use energetic, positive words – happy, caring, loving, warm, adventurous.

Ban negative words from your inner vocabulary! Do not use bored, scared, angry, upset, can’t, worried. Always use the present tense and be positive.

If you are in a situation where you feel unsure or nervous, for example a job interview, don’t tell yourself ‘I haven’t got a chance in hell of getting this job.’ Instead use ‘I am confident and happy, it doesn’t matter if I don’t get this job but I will try my best.’

Be definite and pro-active. Don’t say ‘I am going to try not to worry anymore.’ Say instead ‘I will focus on the positive things in my life.’

WRITE IT DOWN

Try this simple but very effective exercise.

Take a piece of paper and make two columns, one titled ‘Negative Thoughts’, the other ‘Positive Thoughts.’

Write down all the negative thoughts that plague you when you are feeling down, ill or tired. In the next column think of a positive thought that directly contradicts the negative e.g:

NEGATIVE >>> POSITIVE

I’m not clever enough > I am intelligent and intuitive

Everything I do goes wrong > I have achieved many things
successfully

I don't deserve happiness > I deserve to be happy and healthy

I'm worthless > I'm a special person valued by
lots of people

I hate myself > There are lots of really good
things about me that I can be proud of

BELIEVE IT!

It may take a while, maybe a month or two, to kick your old habits and train yourself to think positively. Don’t give up!

Try repeating your new positive thought patterns over and over when you’re calm and relaxed; in the bath, or just before you fall asleep. Be persistent and repetitive and your new positive way of looking at yourself should become second nature. Soon you will find that you are in control of your own thinking and the negative thoughts will be buried beneath your new way of thinking. And if the worst happens and the old ways come back, repeat these activities as often as you need to.

You are a good person and it's time to start believing it!

Be happy!

Simon C. Wilson

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