If you are looking for them, you don't have to search long and hard to find "difficult people." Really, they are everywhere, Destroyers, stomping in and out of our daily lives expending tons of energy just to make sure we know how miserable they are or how bad they have it.

We can see them as close-minded, short sighted, self-indulgent individuals that are focused on one thing, themselves. What if, however, we stopped labeling people as difficult and started responding to them as someone with a need who's currently unable to handle a situation that they find to be difficult? When we think someone is difficult, they will perform accordingly. Even if we can't change the way someone acts we can always control the way we respond to him or her and maybe influence his or her behavior. Remember, we really deal with difficult situations and dynamics and all of us choose the role we will play in them.

Yes, we can become distracted and irritated by the Destroyer, just like the teacher with one bad child in the class, or the speaker (I have never done this) that spends his entire presentation trying to win over the negative individual in the audience. A better choice is to become inspired by the Destroyer or the people that might otherwise make our lives difficult. Try to find out what makes them "stomp." Become inspired by the challenge of how you can positively impact their lives. At the very least, become inspired by your ability to do your best and move on.

We can all think of opportunities every day where we could have been inspired rather than irritated by someone else's behavior. Something happened recently that is a perfect illustration.

My wife and I have frequented a small Chinese restaurant near our home for several years. The food is excellent, service quick and atmosphere quiet and relaxing. There is one waitress, however, that makes us shake our heads on every visit. In a sullen, brisk and sometimes rude approach, she takes our order and delivers our food. Up for the challenge, I asked her name last week. I then said, "Amy, we have been coming here for a long time and I just don't think you like us." Well, you can imagine the reaction. She was shocked and in her heavy accent quickly replied, "Oh, no, no I like everyone! I like you! Oh, you are very wrong. My face is just different you know . . . I'm happy. I'm happy, it's just when you work you do not always look happy . . ." We all laughed and I agreed that it must have been mistaken and the meal continued. Amy, however, was different. She smiled and joked with us. It was amazing! It was like she had no idea how she came off to the customers.

We went back a couple days ago and were curious how Amy might react to our return. She was delighted and acted like a different person. She was not only sweet and friendly to us, but we heard her laughing and attentive to every other group in the restaurant. My entire family was inspired by the change. By simply making her aware, she was able to change her attitude. I guarantee she is getting better tips now too!

There are too many people like Amy, and most of us don't even know it. They appear to be Destroyers on the outside and are really very kind people. They may not be the sour, unhappy person we think they are, but someone so taken up with their daily tasks and responsibilities that they have forgotten how to deal with others. Try to remember the next time you are face to face with a Destroyer that the way you react or respond could make a huge difference to them and will definitely make a difference to how you feel.

As president of JP Horizons, Inc., Jim Paluch and his team are sought out nationally for their business coaching expertise and implementation of their People Solutions that drive business performance. In innovative programs that offer a unique blend of technology and personal touch like the Working Smarter Training Challenge, JP Horizons provides education, motivation and training that continues 12 months a year. Beginning in 2005, Jim became passionate about the concepts of Lean Management and has implemented its fundamental practices into a 52-week internet training program where companies can bring a culture of Lean into their businesses and learn to WORK SMARTER in everything that they do.

If you want to learn more about the power of PEOPLE SOLUTIONS THAT DRIVE BUSINESS PERFORMANCE or the WORKING SMARTER TRAINING CHALLENGE, contact:

JP Horizons Inc.
web site: http://www.jphorizons.com
blog: http://jphorizons.blogspot.com/