As fathers, we are usually not very good at communicating with our teenage daughters. We can get by, to an extent, by remaining silent as much as possible. Sometimes, though, we have to answer questions, give commands (which are usually instantly disobeyed) and give our opinion. Us Dads know, of course, that our opinion ranks way down there, a little lower than pond slime, but we have to give it anyway.

There are some utterances, though, that are invitations to disaster. These you should avoid at all costs, if you want to have a reasonably quiet life. Here's 10 of the worst...

1. Are you getting fat?

2. Give me your cellphone. I want to check your calls. A better idea than this is to go find a grizzly bear and kick it in the ribs with your spiked hiking boots. You'll come off better.

3. No, you can't have the Apple iPhone. You can have Mom's old phone. It's nice and simple.

4. Is that a new top you're wearing? Usual answer: "Dad, I bought this thing 2 years ago!"

5. If she asks you, "Do you like my hair?" NEVER say, "Why, what did you do to it?"

6. What do you need brand names for? Why don't you just wear cheap clothes?

7. I phoned that guy you were talking to in town the other day. I invited him over for lunch. Is that OK?

8. Is that a pimple on your nose?

9. I'm taking your iPod away, because your grades are down. Oh Boy! Asta La Vista Baby!

10. I've invited your teacher over for dinner.

Saying any one of these reckless things will ensure that you get a volcanic eruption of vitriol from your teenager. Using all 10 is masochistic insanity, and could disrupt the universe and cause earthquakes and bad TV reception.

There's no denying that teenagers certainly make life interesting. Remember how bored you got as a teenager? Well, since you've had teenagers yourself, I bet the boredom went away! We're too busy defending ourselves and carefully checking each word we say!

Hi,

Thank you for reading my article.
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Regards

Duncan Kelly