What’s the difference between a headteacher and a packet of toffees?
People like toffees

What did one maths book say to the other?
“Boy, have I got problems”

The first form were being taught to say Grace before school dinner, but Jonathan didn’t join in.
“Don’t you say a prayer before dinner at home?” asked the teacher
“No, Miss, my mum can cook.”

Nemesis why are you late for class this morning?
I was dreaming about A Manchester United match at Old Trafford
But why did that make you late
Sir Alex forgot to tell the ref to blow the whistle after 90mins.

Please Miss, are slugs nice to eat?
Disgusting boy, eat your lunch!
Now we are in registration what was it about slugs, child?
Too late now Miss you had one on your lettuce!

Teacher to pupil slouching in chair,” for goodness sake child, take that gum out of your , and put your feet in this instant.”

How do you make a teacher laugh during the end of term holiday?
Tell them a joke at the start of term!