Turnoi: You are an old bitter narrow-minded wrinkled alcoholic repetitive handbag.

Steady on, Heretosay, old girl.

Got the ladder out today, the first time since I have been home. The gutters were full of earth with all manner of foliage. I needed to replace one straight connection which cost me a pound; and that's all it cost me. My Chinese wife knocked on doors for contributions that she pocketed. I'm a bit like royalty, I don't carry money but the wife does.

Here is a carpet laying tool kit for the budding carpet layer. First of all I need to replace all the architrave and skirting boards. In some other hovel I have the skirting is about two foot high moulded in plaster, which would be hard to replace. No carpet there though but bare boards and big mats.