Part of the fun of learning a new language is traveling to a country where that language is spoken and interacting with the people. Reading about another country's culture is great to avoid the most obvious blunders, but there's no substitute for actually experiencing it.

Any cultural encounter will provide an opportunity for self-reflection, and to me it is one of the most valuable gifts we can earn through language learning - if we are willing to accept it.

Claudette, my associate, and I spent three weeks in Shanghai in the summer of 2002. We wanted to find out how English is taught in China and ended up making some interesting discoveries about culture.

This particular episode stands out in my mind as one of the most striking. It made me realize just how culturally conditioned my thinking is and how my beliefs about how things ought to be are submerged in my subconscious... until they are challenged.

We were staying at Shanghai Teachers University in the North of the city, sharing a room. One night, we were preparing to leave for a classical music concert at the Shanghai Opera House, getting all dolled up and ready to enjoy the evening.

I figured that since we were meeting our group in the university hotel lobby, it would be a perfect time to drop off my laundry and avoid an extra trip in the heat. The university had provided a plastic laundry bag and a little blue slip to indicate how many T-shirts, pants, etc. were in the bag. I always wonder exactly how they keep track of everybody's stuff and how everything comes back clean and neatly pressed anyway... So I meticulously filled out the slip, making sure I had an exact count of what I would hand over. We strolled down to the lobby where most of our group was assembled already - everybody wearing formal clothes and chatting, waiting for the bus.
I walked over to the desk and handed the lady my bag of laundry, along with the blue slip. Imagine my surprise as she proceeded to open the bag, empty out its contents on the top of the counter and match every item to the list I just gave her. She was thorough, and to make sure that she properly identified everything, she held each piece high up in the air and shook it. I could anticipate that sooner or later, she would get to my underwear. Just the thought of her waving my panties at the crowd behind me sent me into a panic. I asked her if she would mind taking care of this behind the counter, but she either didn't understand my English or just didn't see what my problem was. The dreaded moment came. She dutifully picked up my underwear one by one, held them up for everybody to see and made a little mark on the blue slip. I was mortified. My face was beet red and I was frantically looking for a button to push that would make me vanish. I could already hear Claudette chuckling in the background at the utter ridiculousness of the situation. Here I was, and I was stuck. "Just a few more minutes," I thought to myself. The lady was finally done, her count matched my count, and she neatly packed everything back into the bag with a big smile. I smiled back and thanked her, ready to face our group that had followed the incident with disconcerted interest.

By the time I rejoined the group, I was ready to laugh. Claudette in her great compassion re-enacted the scene for me a few times and it became the joke of the evening. It certainly felt like a rite of initiation!

Of course, my analytic mind couldn't help but take the situation apart - what had just happened? I don't consider myself a prude, yet this had touched a very uncomfortable spot in me. Shame? Embarrassment? About what? Would it have been different if there hadn't been a group of Westerners behind me who knew me?Looking back, there had been a few hints that could have prepared me for the Chinese perspective on privacy. For one, the conspicuous absence of doors on traditional bathroom stalls. Then, all the laundry drying on lines in the streets at eye level -- as a tall European, I would sometimes have to duck not to run into the clothes. In the end, what's the big deal anyway - don't we all have bodies that pretty much look the same and need to be clothed and taken care of?

Situations like this arise at the most inopportune moments -- you can count on that. Make the best of it and jot down what it taught you!

Lessons learned

1- Expect the unexpected

2- Our Western sensibility for privacy is not necessarily shared around the globe

3- Even the most embarrassing situation is temporary

4- Pack your sense of humor

5- You have a choice: judge another person's behavior and feel offended or try to find what you have in common instead

6- Don't assume you know a person's intentions only by experiencing their behavior

As a language learner, realize that language is only an extension of the culture that it is spoken in. What's often puzzling is that cultural norms are not explicit and that it's up to you to find out how things are done. I find it most helpful to talk to people who are bi-cultural, like foreign exchange students, or Westerners who lived in a particular culture for many years. Not only are their stories fascinating, but they have a wealth of experience to share that can help make your adjustment a lot smoother.

Nathalie Fairbanks publishes "Language Learning Express," an e-zine for those who want to learn a language fast! Get your FREE subscription and e-book "The 7 Language Learning Secrets Your Teachers Can't Share With You" at http://www.SpeakEZLanguages.com.